Collection of famous funnyquotes

I'm so ugly - my father carries around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.

I'm a bad lover. I once caught a peeping tom booing me.

When my old man wanted sex, my mother would show him a picture of me.

I was born with an enormous need for affection, and a terrible need to give it.

They have a lot of weird crap out here" - Ben says about animals at Lake.

A cat, by any other name, is still a sneaky little furball that barfs on the furniture.

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

All turning lanes are not created equal".

My young son Joshua saw a Police car on the side of the road with lights flashing but no other cars, he said, "Hey Dad, that cop pulled himself over"

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